Is it over?

What am I doing? Am i even worth the trouble? I just feel like every day I struggle for just the tiniest semblance of happiness and it's so hard to find. It's there but it's just out of my reach and no matter how hard I try, I can never get it. My fingers graze over the surface and they tingle as the happiness surges in, almost reaching my heart. It teases my heart as it beats rapidly with hope and excitement only to feel the happiness slowly slip away being replaced by the coldest darkness to ever fall. It's like ice water pouring over you suddenly. You can't breath, you can't think, you can't do anything but stand there, waiting for it to end. That's what my life feels like. Today, for the first time, I looked up on google, can you overdose on Prozac? Since I'm taking Prozac right now, that was the first medication I thought of. It turns out you can. I couldn't quite figure out if that made me happy or not. I have a lack of emotion right now. I'm just going through the motions. This one search created a snowball effect and I spent an hour looking up what the fastest form of suicide is, what's the easiest form. My heads on fire, my limbs are numb, my eyes are barely open. I can't take it. Wouldn't it be better to just end this now? Why suffer when I can just end it? I want to end it but I can't get myself to. Maybe later but right now, I can't even force myself to harm myself. I need help but I can't ask. I want to, I really do. That's why I'm writing it on here after all this time. I needed somewhere to write what I was thinking. Maybe therapy would be a good option. I could start that up again. I just don't have enough energy. I just want it to end. Why won't it end?