Is it over?

What am I doing? Am i even worth the trouble? I just feel like every day I struggle for just the tiniest semblance of happiness and it's so hard to find. It's there but it's just out of my reach and no matter how hard I try, I can never get it. My fingers graze over the surface and they tingle as the happiness surges in, almost reaching my heart. It teases my heart as it beats rapidly with hope and excitement only to feel the happiness slowly slip away being replaced by the coldest darkness to ever fall. It's like ice water pouring over you suddenly. You can't breath, you can't think, you can't do anything but stand there, waiting for it to end. That's what my life feels like. Today, for the first time, I looked up on google, can you overdose on Prozac? Since I'm taking Prozac right now, that was the first medication I thought of. It turns out you can. I couldn't quite figure out if that made me happy or not. I have a lack of emotion right now. I'm just going through the motions. This one search created a snowball effect and I spent an hour looking up what the fastest form of suicide is, what's the easiest form. My heads on fire, my limbs are numb, my eyes are barely open. I can't take it. Wouldn't it be better to just end this now? Why suffer when I can just end it? I want to end it but I can't get myself to. Maybe later but right now, I can't even force myself to harm myself. I need help but I can't ask. I want to, I really do. That's why I'm writing it on here after all this time. I needed somewhere to write what I was thinking. Maybe therapy would be a good option. I could start that up again. I just don't have enough energy. I just want it to end. Why won't it end?

A Short Synopsis of My Struggles

My name is Alyssa and I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia three years ago. I was in the seventh grade when I went to a specialist due to chronic pain.I was an active kid and had played softball since I was in the second grade. I started noticing the pain during the end of my seventh grade year when I started to play softball in the spring. Nobody really knew what it was about but playing became really difficult and my legs would randomly buckle or give out. I started seeing a physical therapist and spent the entire summer of 2010 going to dozens of doctors appointments to be told that there was nothing wrong with me. Eventually, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia which is really uncommon in young children. At the time, I was only 13. I struggled to participate in P.E. and to continue playing softball. I started to become very self-conscious because I knew I was different from everyone else. I started to become very depressed and had a hard to actually living. Eventually though, with the help of friends, family, and one very dedicated teacher, I finally realized that I was going to be okay and that I was strong enough to get through this. So that's what I did. I kept doing what I wanted to do and struggled but I've succeeded so far and continue to live my life just like any one else.